"Merry
Christmas!" I have learned to accept the good intentions of my friends and
to echo the words back to them, even though I know that my Christmas won't be exactly
merry. Some of it can be pleasant, happy, or even joyful. At its best, each
Christmas will have moments of sadness and reflection. Being merry means being
in a jovial state, and I don't think I'll be spending any long tenures being
merry.
The first Christmas after our first son died was absolutely devastating. I also cringed, and probably visibly, whenever anyone wished me a merry Christmas that year. The second year was better and finally I settled in to acceptance of the good intentions of others. Last Christmas, the first one after our other son died, was also very difficult, and this year is somewhat better. Perhaps this year was better because of predictability.
The first Christmas after our first son died was absolutely devastating. I also cringed, and probably visibly, whenever anyone wished me a merry Christmas that year. The second year was better and finally I settled in to acceptance of the good intentions of others. Last Christmas, the first one after our other son died, was also very difficult, and this year is somewhat better. Perhaps this year was better because of predictability.
I would like
to understand how "merriment " came to be a part of the recognition
of Christmas. The song "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" shouldn't be
the basis for the word because it obviously had a different meaning with the
song's origin. "God rest ye merry" is obviously archaic, and of
course it doesn't wish ladies anything at all.
I won't be
merry on Christmas. I think I'll be okay. I know I'll be happy and will laugh
and enjoy the day, complete with its sadness and reflection.
Most people
who say "Merry Christmas" to me know they are wishing me not
merriment, but rather the best kind of Christmas possible for me. I am grateful
for their sentiment and attention. Others come up to me, and then realize that
they aren't comfortable wishing me a Merry Christmas. Usually I just get a hug.
I am grateful to them for their sensitivity, and words aren't always necessary.
But this
"Merry Christmas" thing could be examined in more depth. Why do we
think everyone should have a merry Christmas? It's not biblical, although being
joyous is. Joy, however, is more complex, and to me it includes memories, and
hope that is most profound. I am not a theologian, but I have no recall of anyone supporting Jesus that insisted on a party or a day of merry-making.
I, in fact,
have been wondering about the celebration of Christmas as the birthday of
Jesus. The angels, visiting wise men and shepherds all celebrated His birth,
but there is no mention in the Bible of celebrating His birthday on an annual
basis. Of course, we celebrate birthdays as part of our culture today, and even
recognize the birthdays of historical figures, so I'm not recommending excluding Jesus. But we don't know when Jesus was
born, although it was probably sometime toward the end of the vegetation year,
when people could travel for census-taking. We don't know what the date was, but the season of winter would not be the same in Bethlehem as it is in most of the United States. The calendar designation of Christmas was set to coincide with harvest festivities that are not specific to any particular climate.
What we need
to observe is the gift of Jesus not just one day, but every day. W e need to
celebrate the lives of our children with all of our family and friends, those living
and those who have died. Bereaved parents may or may not have a merry
Christmas, but they need to reflect love and promote peace every day in
remembrance of their children, and if they are Christians, in the model given
by Jesus.
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