Clouds

Introduction

Humans have the longest lifespan of all mammals on earth. Among all animals, humans are outlived only by some species of turtles. Even among all living things, man is outlived only by a few trees. Perhaps that is why people put so much emphasis on how long someone lives. From the perspective of eternal time, however, the length of life for one person is minuscule, and perhaps people should find another way to measure the value of a life. Qualitative evaluations that include joy, love, and peace might be a better measurement.

Instead of being richer, wiser, more helpful, better loved, or more admired, perhaps the goal of every life should be an expression of gratitude that provides others with joy and peace.

It occurred to me that a cloud exists for a short time, yet appears to have no direct affect upon other clouds. Still, clouds exist, and there are few universal signs of peaceful solitude that compare to a high, bright wisp of a cloud moving within a small group others in a pleasant sky.

In the following description, I imagined my life as a cloud.                                              
Clouds

I am a cloud. Sometimes I am part of rain or a storm, other times I move gently and circulate among the other clouds that are just like me. A cloud’s lifespan is that of the sun rising and setting as many as 10 times, although the average is 8 suns. Although some lives are shorter, none are longer than 10 suns. I suspect I will be among the longer because many clouds in my chain before me didn’t dissolve until 10 suns.

Clouds live in the air above earth. There is movement on the earth, but our existence seems to be more important than the earth. Earth is the place around which we travel. Above clouds are the sun and stars, and occasionally the moon. We know that those things above us have something to do with our movement, but they are not something we could control. They seem to control us. Within the clouds are the winds. Again, we cannot control the winds, but we can sometimes escape those winds that drive us into storm clouds. We are also affected by the air itself, which sometimes seems to push us together. Other times the air gives us freedom to float freely.

From time to time, groups of clouds form that result in curious combinations. Sometimes the groups are energizing and interesting, but occasionally they are dangerous. These groups appear to be one large cloud, but within the dangerous groups is charged air that can electrify the group itself and others around it.  Before such a group separates into individual clouds again, the group might absorb blowing winds and sometimes swoop beneath the rest of us, frightening any observer with fury and a show of force. How these groups, or even how friendlier groups came together is something we can’t understand, but every cloud finds itself pulled into a group of one kind or another.

When a cloud’s life ends, it is usually by losing substance and eventually dissolving. Sometimes it is called vanishing. Clouds that appear robust and strong can suddenly dissolve, however. Clouds also drop into fog or mist and that is certain, although unnatural dissolution. Clouds can also dissolve if they are struck by lightening within a storm cloud, or they may be contaminated by earth eruptions, such as volcanos or forest fires, which also can contribute to a cloud’s vanishing.

Being a cloud is both mysterious and simple. It is joyful and sorrowful. My lifespan as a cloud is at least half over, but I will tell you about the first five of my suns.

Sun 1: I began with my mother and father that stayed close to me and directed me through infinite streams and tunnels of activity. They were guiding streams. Mother and Father were larger and faster than I was, but we soon were joined with another my size, who was my brother. The little group of us moved in a journey that was entertaining and exciting. As Mother and Father showed us many ways to travel in the air, my brother and I grew stronger as we swirled around them. Our little group of four was not alone, however. Other clouds and streams joined from time to time and enriched our journey. Many of them were close enough that we could touch them or join with them in fun and adventures. My mother and father had parents, brothers and sisters just as I had parents and a brother, and the groups of clouds related in this way was a chain that connected us to both the past and the present.

My mother faded away in a higher level, just as I became a mature cloud. It was difficult to understand, but we still perceived reminders of clouds that were gone while we observed the many clouds surrounding us. We are puzzled that, while it is often the older, more mature, slower clouds that dissolve, sometimes active or even very small clouds also cease to exist. I have tried to see a pattern, but I haven’t found one. Clouds can also dissolve in different ways. Sometimes a cloud becomes weaker and grows more transparent until it simply ceases to be seen. At other times a cloud simply vanishes suddenly.

Clouds seem to be the most important entities of the universe, because we have some autonomy and can make choices about where and with whom we want to travel within the limitations of the sun, stars and winds. For example, clouds are able to rise and fall in the air. The heights offer large views and calm, while the depths provide adventure, risk and density of many clouds. The deepest of depths are frightening and dangerous. The heights are unfamiliar to some clouds because they perceive them to be boring and lacking in stimulation. It is also a difficult climb for active clouds. Many clouds that are beginning to thin find that rising upward is no longer a difficult climb and sometimes find themselves rising only by the power of desire. Most clouds like us travel in a middle layer, sometimes rising upward to experience a brief respite, sometimes dropping to lower levels to find excitement. I shared the sentiment of many other clouds, however, that the lower levels leave us with less desire to climb to the heights, and I often find that the return trip upward is arduous.

Sun 2: Eventually my brother and moved apart, but not out of sight of the journey and other guides. My brother began traveling with another cloud, and seemed to move further and further away. My brother and his partner maintained their strong sense of family and all of us, along with my father, began traditional family groupings on special occasions.

I discovered my own partner who paralleled my journey, and we frequently explored swirls and winds independent of the others. We contemplated what our journey should be and wondered what should be our destination. If we were destined to dissolve like some of the others, we often considered a route different from that of other clouds, both in our present and in our past.

Individual clouds, even those within small family groups, differ from one another and those differences are evident in appearances. My partner, for example, is a calm cloud that continues his journey with preparedness and commitment. I tend to be less in control, moving from one place or one group to another, and from one interest to another. I find it hard to decide if I am introspective, or if I want to be helpful to other clouds.

Much of our time in Sun 2 was spent learning about as many ideas and journeys as we could. My partner became a cloud dedicated to soothing other clouds and to teaching younger clouds to develop abilities and interests of their own. He was superb in teaching other clouds how to be confident and happy with all of the things they could learn.

We believed that our delight would continue until we ourselves faded and dissolved. There were small problems but they were easily solved. As we became more mature clouds, there were pieces of us that faded, but we retained our overall shape and sturdiness.

We wonder if dissolution might be related to how we journey, whether we swirl, or even to the relationship we have with the other clouds. Do we join to become storms frequently enough? Or not frequently enough? Do we need to contribute to the growth or journey of other clouds? The answers are not known. All we can do is continue to journey and do the best we can. 

Sun 3: After my partner and I had been traveling together for a while, three smaller clouds broke off from us, one little cloud at a time. We had become parental guides. My brother and his partner became parental guides to five small clouds. We found the small clouds delightful and enjoyed being their guides. They showed us their joy, which further enriched our own, and we watched them as they grew, learned, and showed us their potential independence. We came to understand that they would develop into guides themselves, and that we would grow slower and eventually dissolve.

Our own unit became more and more independent. My brother and I were frequently far away from our father but he wasn’t alone, and usually traveled with another clouds, all of them quite high in the sky. Many clouds surrounded my father and they tended to stay in one location, merely acknowledging clouds that passed their way, but seldom needing to join others. Most of the clouds around my father were beginning to lose substance, but many of the clouds I had known when I was a small cloud continued to move close to him on occasions.

And so we moved along with our oldest traveling on my partner’s left, and our second oldest on my right, Our third was also between my partner and me, slightly behind the other two smaller clouds. Knowing that clouds were the center of all things, my partner and I spent a lot of our time helping other smaller clouds learn how to travel. Eventually our own smaller clouds also became active in helping other clouds their own size and we seldom changed our activities. Our smaller clouds did not stay small. Before we fully realized the passage of time, all three had physically grown to our own size. They still needed guidance from time to time, but they became more independent, each seeking out other clouds of similar size and discovering new activities. When they returned to us on a daily basis, they participated in antics and experiences that had us all turning cartwheels in the sky.

The younger clouds in our family unit were also unique within the group. Cloud 1 was as introspective as he was gregarious. He was very careful in making choices. If he considered it important to help or join another group, he would do so, but he would then maintain connections to that group as long as he believed necessary. As he matured, he often moved methodically into brighter regions of the air, and frequently floated as a illuminated robust cloud. Many groups of clouds took their turn in gathering around him.

My partner’s parents were located among clouds some distance from us, but our little group traveled to them as frequently as possible, and they loved their grandparents as much as their grandparents loved them. All of us were devastated as Day 3 came to an end as did the dissolution of the younger cloud’s other grandmother.

This combining of clouds into other kinds of groups was the subject of discussion among clouds. Some clouds believed that there was another power organizing cloud groups. Another group believed that clouds themselves chose the groups each cloud wanted to join, or was in a group by mere accident. The clouds that believed there was a greater power for the clouds also believed that there was a complete and strict set of behaviors that would keep them from becoming part of a dangerous cloud group. The clouds that believed in individual choice or accidental grouping believed that there were expected behaviors for clouds, but they were behaviors developed over eons out of social necessity.

Sun 4: One morning Cloud 2 was darting back and forth, making me happy. As he went away, he wiggled in a silly goodbye, went into the distance and suddenly dissolved. He would never return. Other clouds he had frequently visited came to us, as well as my brother and his entire group. Many other clouds hovered around. It was all very sad. As a group, we allowed ourselves to grow dark and descend from our place in the sky for a time. The four of us were the last to begin to rise from the lowest part of the sky. It was a very long journey upward. My partner and I, though we remained sad, were able to move upward eventually, followed by our oldest and then our youngest. Resilience is supposed to lessen with age, but when there is a great loss, the younger often have more difficulty because it is a foreign experience for them.

At lower levels were other very dark clouds that tried to pull us into their group, but we were successful in remaining separate from them. We also were successful in preventing our fall to the bottom where we would become fog and surely dissolve ourselves. It was a difficult battle, and we all wondered if we would survive and be able to return to our journey.

It wasn’t sadness that kept pulling us down. It was despair, confusion, and anger. After a very long time, our darkness began to fade, but we could never forget Jay and his great contribution of fun to our travels. Each time one of us felt that our journey was hopeless, we drifted lower. If we searched for reasons or blame, we drifted lower. If we became angry over the circumstances of our young cloud’s suddenly dissolving, we drifted lower. But when we thought of love and of memories, we moved higher. At the lower depths we did not find comfort, but a continuation of our grief.

It seemed especially unfair that our young cloud’s life ended so abruptly. We were all profoundly grieved, and, if dissolution was random and accidental, then there had to be a way to balance the regret. I knew that I would always be his guide and his parent, and I sought for ways to care for him by encouraging others to remember him. I knew I would not forget, but I didn’t want others to forget, either.

I found it necessary to accept the continuing life of clouds after they dissolved. I was certain that our son would not have simply vanished, because he brought so much love and joy to other clouds. If there was continuing life, it had to be in another place, and it had to be better than life as a cloud. It was only logical that there was a planner or a preparer that set the parameters of life as a cloud as well as life beyond that.

The loss of our cloud caused me to wonder what the purpose of clouds was. Are clouds supposed to act in any way? Are there expectations of clouds? The thought that we clouds had some responsibilities to other clouds, to the wind, to the skies, or even to the world below us, was very confusing. I could understand that clouds with long lives might be able to fulfill responsibilities, but what about the clouds that were among us for only a short time? I struggled to make sense of the deaths of young clouds.

Sun 4. Time does help to lessen grief, however. We discovered that we were able to move upward as time passed. As we moved upward, sometimes without difficulty, we noticed that there was more sunshine and warmth, and we were able to return to some of the pleasant occasions of the past.

I came to understand the impact of Cloud 2’s life. I was thankful he had been with us because he had shared his unique being with us. He had added immensely to our happiness, he had demonstrated love for his family, and he had extended his love to other groups of clouds. He was entertaining to many, and he was sincere in his relationship to others. Most of all, he had confidently demonstrated that he was able to make choices that was beneficial to himself and others.

Sun 5: Eventually our two remaining clouds found their own travel partners, and soon they each had two young clouds trailing them. Our joys returned as we watched the little clouds play and swirl around. They were wonderful, bright and active. Clouds 1 and 3 and their families had found some purpose in their traveling, and they frequently visited my partner and I, or we visited them. We always felt welcome joining each of the little family groups.

Then, shockingly, Cloud 1 quickly faded and vanished. His partner and young clouds were not only grief-stricken, they were lost in the paths they were traveling. Our own daughter relived her other brother’s dissolution and we again began the visits to the lower depths. It was the groups he had joined that always called us back from the low places. We had not imagined how many groups had connected to him and would potentially miss his being a part of them.

I sometimes believe that all of Cloud’s 1, 2 and 3 groups, as well as our own, gathered close to us. While they did not hover, they managed to provide us with love and concern. As Cloud 1’s family and extended family, we first moved as a group of nine, and then we found ourselves moving up and down in smaller groups of two or three, or sometimes individually.

In spite of my grief, I immediately found myself grateful that he had been a part of my travels. What had I, an insignificant little cloud, done to deserve the lives of not one, but two wonderful clouds accompanying me on part of my journey? In addition, our third cloud provided us as much brilliance as did her siblings. The thought prevented me from dropping to lower levels of the air, and instead took me where I found more light and sunshine.

The groups of clouds that believe in a higher power seem to accept the idea of a permanent place after vanishing. In fact, they believe that knowledge of this permanent place for each cloud’s essence gives them hope and purpose as clouds. I wondered what a cloud would do in the permanent place. Perhaps, I thought, the essence can move in and out of its former life experience to join and rejoin the memories of times that are important to them.

Furthermore, if clouds continue beyond what we can see and feel, then that continuation must be unending. After all, merely one metamorphosis seems less than logical. If continued existence is unending, perhaps the duration of clouds among us is unremarkable in the context of forever. While that doesn’t explain why some clouds last longer than others, it does make the element of time insignificant.

Where do the clouds that vanish go? They are in the memory each cloud that traveled with them, often in the memories of clouds in a group. The dissolved clouds no longer have substance but they continue to have reality in memories. What happens to the substance? Does it simply end? How much reality remains? Does the substance of a cloud that vanished go to another place where it will exist permanently? What purpose does a single cloud have until it dissolves?

I found myself easily moving upward, and not so frequently downward as I had when Cloud 2 vanished. While I have not understood the purpose of my life, I have begun to see that my two younger clouds met their purpose in providing me with joy and memories of joy. The memories will keep their clouds with me in my heart.

It is the love, the memories, and the joys that measure the duration of each cloud. Whether a cloud dissolves within 1 sun, 3 suns, 5 suns, or 10 suns, it’s substance is merely a small flash of time. It will endure as long as it is remembered.
I intend to rise higher in the sky, soothed by brightness and warmth that I find there. I know I will return lower frequently, but I will take the gratitude I gather in the heights in all of my travels up and down. I have only to accept comfort and peace offered me.